Choosing To Be.

Being, a young African-american women with a Biology degree under her belt, I often find myself pigeon-holed into a specific identity. I sometimes feel as though I am too boisterous or personable to match what I am on paper. I've often been mistaken for an Arts or Performance major rather than anything in the sciences and I've often felt out of place with fellow science people for this very reason. It has put me in a weird frame of mind at times, and I find myself wanting to revert to more traditional ways of being, but these ways are not who I am or who I aim to be. 

I am millennial woman and I determine who I am.

In the past, women have assumed the roles of care-takers, dedicated to their families and loved ones, even to the detriment of their own well-being; or they assumed whatever other role society deemed acceptable for them.

 Black women have an even greater experience with this due to the impacts of slavery and systematic oppression. While those times are not particularly over, I find that women are continually breaking the mold that we were confined to.

Early on in college, I focused a lot on my identity; often trying to fit the image of what I believed was socially acceptable. The issue with adhering to social standards is that they often change and are framed around stereotypes surrounding people of color. Therefore, instead of that, I have worked tirelessly to be comfortable with myself especially with the multifacetedness of myself.

I find that I am not unique in this struggle. This is an issue faced by most, if not all millennial women because we are an age where we are finally being allowed by society and ourselves especially, to be the women that we truly want to be.

Not the women we are expected to be.

Not the women, the general society hopes we will be, but the women that we want to be.

The freedom to be ourselves is a powerful concept in and of itself. because it opens up a world of possibilities for us.

I was speaking to my friend on the phone the other day, and we got on the topic of Love & Hip Hop, and he was shocked that I watched this show. I found myself wanting to justify why I, a somewhat cultured person, would watch the lowest of all reality television shows. What I have come to realize is that, its unnecessary. 

I don't have to explain the different facets of my personality that may not seem to fit the mold of who I am or perceived to be. 

I made this collage to symbolize who I am and who I plan to be going into the working and professional world. I've had some slight anxiety about starting work mainly because I'm almost scared to be myself. I'm scared I'll be too personable or too "happy" or too "black" or just too "me". I've ruminated over this top over and over again and I've decided to just be me.

 I plan to keep all my facets of who I am, but I want to learn to balance out each facet of myself. I will learn to find the harmony in all my sides and in the collective image of myself that I  present to the world.

I find a level of comfort in this collage because while it seems like a hodge-podge of random images, it speaks to me...on a deep level. It melds together into an aesthetic that I can feel and I can connect with. 

It represents me, in harmony.

The cool yet complex aptitude of Solange.

The confidence of Donna Summers.

The sass of Diana Ross.

The elegance of Barbara Streisland.

Mix in with unapologetic blackness, and a bit of mystery and you've got me. 

I choose to be me, first and foremost.

I'm someone that enjoys Ted talks and NPR, but also enjoys Love & Hip Hop. 

I'm someone that can critically analyze scientific papers, but also enjoys trap music. 

I can be as complex or as simple as I want to be. 

I can be a sassy queen and an introspective nerd, all at the same time.

I never have to choose one or the other.

I simply choose to be.

Love & Light, Rachel